in Relationship and Self Improvement

I’ve been trying to get my smile back.

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I still continue to smile at all the great things in my life, but lately I find myself losing that smile after a second or two. Perhaps I feel guilty when I catch myself smiling and being happy, when I know I’m sad inside. It’s as if my heart wants me to keep smiling, but my brain catches on and wipes the smile away almost instantaneously. Then I would just stare out to nothing and ask myself: What have I become? What happened to me?

I used to smile a lot and gave it my all, but now, when I catch myself smiling, I somehow feel guilty for doing so. I am not happy with my life and I know change has to happen for me to get my smile back, but I also know that this takes time. No one realizes the battle that I’m fighting within me. Everyone just assumes or tries to accept when I say that I’m ok because quite frankly, I think I do a pretty good job of hiding anything behind my smile. I know myself better than anyone though and I know that I am not ok. It’s just easier to tell people that I am ok, smile, then change the topic, than to actually talk about it.

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I’m not too worried though, because I know that in due time, everything will be good again. I just have to keep telling myself that when I hit rock bottom, there’s no where else to go but up. I just gotta keep smiling and try to gain the happiness I want and deserve.

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1 Comment

  1. Berlin

    i always live by the rule “do things that move you to love” and everything seems to follow. If love is the problem, dont wait for smile to come back. Let the sadness envelope you for a while but dont let it stay for too long. Life is such a beauty. Dont force yourself to hide that smile. Wishing you all the best.

    26 . Jul . 2016

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